Rewinding Time

There are days... weeks, even, where all I want to do is press "rewind".  I have thought over my life on more than one occasion and there are a few places I would like to press that button and make different decisions.

Today was one such day.  After several attempts at trying to figure out how and why we are where we are, I kept thinking... "well, if only this had happened or I could say this instead of that..."

The Bible tells us not to live in the past, yet... oh, let's be honest... there are days where I would very much like to park myself at  a particular moment.

For instance, if I would have known that my youngest would outgrow snuggling as early as she did with me, I would park myself on that last morning where she said, "Can we snuggle?"  I would stay there for an eternity if I knew that were the last day.  It was our routine.  Before school, she would lay on me, against me or curl up to me and hold my hand.  No words were spoken, and often times she would fall asleep for a short nap.  Those were some of the best moments of my day, and it ended almost abruptly last year.  Yes.... I would very much like to live in that past moment.....

Another one that creeps into being every once in a while, is parking myself at Timahoe Circle.  Outside, in a green plastic chair watching my child run up and down the sidewalk with her very best friend, all while nursing a sleeping Beka in my arms.  Sharing life's joys and burdens with my sister-friend and deepening my relationship with God, all the while.  Squeals of laughter from Lexi and Caleb and the smell of my sleeping child nestled against me.... Yes, I would park myself there.

There are other moments where I would park myself... and there are some where I would change a decision or hurtful words....

I wish I could impart to my children the truths of what I have learned... and save them the pain of my mistakes or someone else's.  I wish I could hold them tight and rewind time for just a little bit... Even  a year, I would....

Or would I?  Because if I did that... well, I wouldn't have Sarah to kiss goodnight and laughter from Mikey each day....

Hmmm.... I guess that's why we can't hit the rewind, because if we did, we would miss too much of the present.