To the Man who Hit Me

Dear Driver of the Other Vehicle,

I just read the police report.  And... you need to be called out. 

You said you were going 32mph.
---- That, sir is a lie.  My husband is a mechanic, and a very good one at that.  Automotive glass is made to withstand some pressure and harm to it.  It's made to shatter but there is type of coating, if you will, so that when is shatters, it holds together.  Kind of like a puzzle. To bust out that glass completely takes a lot of power, more than 32mph.  Especially when all the people around me said you were going closer to 55mph.

You said that you swerved to miss the van (me) full of kids.
---- That sir, is another lie.  You had almost hit the vehicle in front of me.  People who saw you down on Three Rivers and Klein Road, well before you got to me, said that you were driving erratically and they moved out of your way.  I had no children with me and had not crossed into your lane.  The vehicle in front of me ...well you almost him too.  He saw you hit me.  AS YOU CROSSED over the yellow line.

You were slurring your words.  I can not believe you did not get a citation; a ticket for reckless driving or something..... you live out by a friend of mine; she said you tailgate and are always speeding and all over the road.  She hates it when she sees you behind her.

I know you are young... in your mid-twenties... but you are old enough to know when you are in the right and when you are in the wrong.  You were in the wrong.  Whether you were asleep at the wheel, texting, or inebriated on something... you were wrong.  You lied to the cops.  More than once.  The police report shows your lies.

You could have been killed.  You could have killed me.  Had you killed me, you would have lived with a terrible regret and a lot of emotional baggage the rest of your life.  You would have made my children orphans, motherless.  My husband a widower.  My parents, without their oldest daughter.  My sister, siblingless.  You would have devastated the world of so many.  I am a mom.  I am a wife.  I am a daughter.  I am a sister.  I am a friend.  I am a niece.  A cousin.  I am a church member.  I am a neighbor. 


Shame on you.  I hope that if you ever find yourself in a position of a serious nature like this again, that you be the man you should be; if you mess up - be truthful and own up to it.

Even though you lied to the police, you have lied to your employer.... you have taken our family vehicle and totaled it.  You have caused me great physical pain.  I forgive you.

❆ch❅ch❇ch❄ch❈chatter ☃

❅Brrrr, it's cold outside!❄
South Mississippi has pretty much been "locked down"  since late Monday night, early Tuesday morning.❇ You see, here on the coast, we are known for our beaches, humidity, and the slow genteel way of life.❆ Snow.  Nope.  Icy roads.  Uh, negative.  ❈  I have to admit, it was really cool seeing it after several years.  But..... not cool enough (no pun intended) to move back to a land that has it all the time.❅ Keenan and I have ☃ had several laughs over the fact that we don't have snowplows, and sand trucks down here.❄ So they have to use our beach blades to try to scrape the ice and then use dump trucks to spread the sand... and then use the beach blades to try to spread it... ❈ It has made for great amusement in our home.☃  The girls played on the trampoline and had a snowball fight ❆ which was fun to do.  This morning, our driveway was like an ice-skating rink; obviously they had  a wonderful time trying to stay upright.❅I'll admit something here... I could stand to see a little of this white stuff.... ❅.... I'm thinking every other year or so.

Angels in Action

There are a lot of thoughts about spiritual warfare and life/death experiences.  I am not an expert in either case.  I do, however, realize that there are moments when we catch it in action.

Wednesday was bright, beautiful, and sunny in Gulfport.  And cold... did I say cold?  It's funny how some of the mundane things that happen will stick with you after an emergency.

I got Beka in the car, my school books and bag and off we headed to drop her off so I could go to my one class that day.  I left with plenty of time.  On our way I looked at the jacket she had put on and then looked up at the temperature posted in the van.  31 degrees.  I looked over at her and said, "it's too cold to be outside in this jacket.  You need to dress for colder weather right now."  And so we carried on a discussion about the cold temps.

After she was dropped off at Jennifer's, I went back the way I came.  My standard route.  At the end of Duckworth, I made my right onto Three Rivers Road.  Without trees about, I could have seen my backyard.  That's how close I was to home.

As I headed south on Three Rivers, I noticed a work van that seemed to want to pass the vehicle in front of him.  At this point, I was about a block from where I turned.  I remember thinking, "hello, it's a double yellow line here; you can't pass, buddy."  I also noticed that it was weird because the vehicle in front was a good bit in front of him.   After that vehicle passed me, I realized this guy was back headed in my lane.  He was booking at a good speed and I pulled over to the edge of the road.  There is no shoulder there; no place for me to go because of a deep ditch right along the road.  I didn't press on my breaks but had taken my foot off the gas. 

Everyone says "your life flashes before your eyes" in a moment like that but not for me... Instead I had thoughts.  I don't know the exact number but they were all there kind of at once and all coherent.  "I'm so glad Beka is not here", "Please don't let me go in the ditch", "turn your wheel buddy", "Shannon honk the horn"... it was during all of this that I could feel a heavy darkness surround me.  It wasn't dark outside but I felt like I was surrounded by dark.  It was at that moment that I thought, "Satan, you don't want me here."


I looked over and saw his headlights; right about at my window level.  Coming straight to the door area.  "Lord, please let me walk away from this" and no sooner did I think it in my heart than this bright, dazzling light - like a flash from a camera and just as fast engulfed me.  I quickly turned my face away from the impending crash and put my hands up to shield my face.  And then... he hit me..... I heard the pop of the airbag but don't remember it coming out.  I remember feeling the van slide, hearing my van make crunching sounds as he pushed in on the door and then bounced off .... then the feeling of it tipping...

I wasn't scared at that point.  Up until I knew Jesus had sent His angels - that bright,warm flash....I was scared.  I wasn't as it slid and I wasn't as it tipped.  I wasn't as I took my hands from my face and looked around.  My legs were pinned under the dashboard and I heard glass clinking as I turned my head.  Everything had slid to the right side of the van.

Now, you can say I have watched one too many action-packed car chase movies because my next thought was "get out, before the van explodes!"  I tried to open the door and it wouldn't move.  I tried getting my legs to move and they weren't listening.  It took some pulling and tugging but I finally got them out.  I noticed my window was open and I thought, "when did I roll my window down?"  I grabbed the sill and pulled myself out of the van.  I stumbled a bit and realized I was limping.  I turned to see where the van was that hit me because at first I thought he drove off because I expected him to be crunched into my van.

About 100 yards down, his van was now impaled four feet into an embankment.  I spun around and saw firefighters running towards us down the middle of the road and a car turning into the driveway in front of the ditch where my van lay on its side.

The lady hopped out of her car and  ran up to me and asked if I was"ok".  She was my1st  angel that day.  An angel named Pon.  When I became too hysterical to explain to my husband what had happened, she calmly took the phone and told him where I was.  When a man pulled up in a golfcart, she convinced me to sit down on the floorboards of it.  She sat with me as the first EMTs, firefighters, & police came to talk to me.  They all asked me if I was ok and I would tell them yes and she would say "her leg is hurt; she's been limping".  She was calming in the chaos.

I can remember turning to see the other driver and he appeared to be knocked out.  Whether it was from the crash or something else I didn't know but he wasn't moving at first.  I kept asking if he was ok, I was frantic with the idea that he might have been killed.  I was finally told that yes, he appeared to be fine.

On my left leg appeared a goose-egg; my husband said it was about the size of his fist.  As high and as big around.  There was a red stripe down my leg from my knee to my ankle... 4 1/2 days later it's still red and there.  The feel of my sweats on the "goose egg" hurt.... My other leg hurt just as bad but wasn't as swollen.  As the paramedics were poking and prodding, they discovered blood all over my left hand and wrist.  We deducted it was from my climbing out of the shattered window.  I had glass all over; in my ears, my mouth, my cheeks, my eyes....

I kept waiting for Keenan; by this time the paramedic, who was very sweet, told me he thought that my left shin was shattered.  He took my shoe off and looked for pulse.  They splinted it.  I had cops and everyone around me.  I couldn't see if Keenan had gotten there.  They wanted me to lay down on a moving board encase of spine injuries.  I kept saying "not until my husband gets here."  A few minutes later they parted and I saw Keenan running down the street.  He had the morning sun behind him and he looked like an angel to me.  As he ran, he looked over and saw the van; I saw his face loose all color.  The female cop pointed to where I was and he looked over at me.  I tried smiling at him so he knew I was ok.....

The paramedic again told me he wanted me to head to the hospital.  I said I would ride with my husband.  As sweet as this man was, I could tell that he didn't want me to do that.  He said "let me go talk to your husband."  I smiled and said, "he'll agree with me".  In a short moment, they both turned to me and I heard Keenan say, "take her in the ambulance."  My face fell; I know ambulance rides are expensive.

I had a wonderful man in the ambulance with me.  He kept me smiling and gave me really good advice.  He also stressed his concerns about the type of wreck and all.  He was another angel.  I just didn't get that angel's name.

I spent the morning in the trauma department at Memorial.  I had visits from my pastor and his wife and two more church members, including our music minister.  X-rays confirmed my theory of it not being broken but I was given crutches and told to keep my left leg elevated and toe-taps only.  They flushed my eyes to get the glass out; praise God I wore contacts!  It saved them a lot of damage.  I only have one scratch that still bothers me right now.  Only little bits of glass stuck in my face, scalp, ears, eyes.... I was spitting out glass shards for the first couple days, though.  LOL

I had heard people talking all around me at the scene of the accident.  Most thought he was going between 50-55mph.  The latter being what I heard most often.  I heard them talk about getting me to the hospital; worried about internal bleeding and broken bones.  The most amazing thing is none of that happened.  Yes, I'm on crutches, yes, I'm in pain, but I am alive.  I am so thankful that God's angels surround us and at times we get that glimpse of the battle.... forever knowing nothing happens without God's consent.


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The Teacher and the Test

It's been one heck of a week!  I'll probably have several posts because the subjects are varied and worthy of their own post this week.

So this week, was a tough week.  If I could look back at my life as a line gragh the really good points being on the upper side of happy and the lower lines as terrible weeks.... this might be one of those that dipped the lowest.  I can't say it was the worst week in my life but it sure was up there.  Or is that down there?

We were scheduled for a court date for Thursday.  On Tuesday night we found out that that other side wanted a continuance.  It was after closing hours when we received it.  Wednesday morning we would find out what the judge's decision was.

My question is: God are You there, working in this?  Are You behind the scenes because right now I just don't feel You in this.

.....................and that is when it hit me..... He IS there.... He is like the teacher watching while I take a test.  We take a test.  He's been preparing us for this for quite some time.  Have we gotten all the questions right on the quizzes leading up to it?  No.  Our assignments have been turned in late at times....  even our effort put in hasn't always been 100% there.  But all along God has been preparing us for this test.  It's the toughest test we have had up to this point.

When God is leading us up to a time of testing... Satan throws what he has at us.  It's kind of like Job.  God says, "alright... test them."

I cried and cried and felt utterly hopeless for a time when finding out that we have two more months to wait.

Why God?  Why?  The bottom line is that we must not be ready.  God wants us more prepared for the battle ahead. 

The Bible uses the Greek word, adokimos: meaning people who are tested but don't pass.  There are several verses in the New Testament that uses this word. 

So, the next time you find yourself facing the test, know the Teacher is there.  He has been preparing you all along.  It was up to you/us to listen and learn what the Teacher needs us to. 

When this trial comes to pass, I want God to not use the adokimos in regards to it.  I want to have passed, having learned along the way and being obedient to Jesus.

It Started in a Garden

I don't know how many of you know, but I love to have my hands in the dirt.  I love to garden and to see the fresh black soil sift through my fingers, the smell of rains from times past, and a silky worm glide back into his home.

Gardening is thinking time - a time to de-stress and a time to ponder on the Creator as I take seeds that are so tiny that will hopefully, with water, sunlight and time will spring forth a new life.  Once those precious seeds sprout out their first little stalk, a lot of care is needed to make sure to pull the weeds that want to choke this new life out. At the same time, I have to be careful that I am grabbing just the weed and being ever careful that the roots of the destroying plant is not entwined with my new one.  The one I want to save.

At the end of the season, after a lot of prep, a lot of hard work, there is hopefully a plant that is strong; has stood up to the weather, the lack of water, too much water, weed after weed, bugs that terrorize the poor thing and critters that want to nibble at this fresh delicacy.  This plant will hopefully produce sweet fruit or crisp, tasty veggies.

Today a friend shared a devotion with me... in it is the phrases:
It is interesting that sin began in a garden. And the commitment to bear that sin was also in a garden.
In Eden, Adam sinned. In Gethsemane, Jesus conquered.
In Eden, Adam hid himself. In Gethsemane, our Lord boldly presented Himself.
In Eden, the sword was drawn. In Gethsemane, it was sheathed.
Jesus did this all for us.
(from "Personal Gethsemanes" by Greg Laurie)

So....

In the garden is where it all began.  God created man in the garden.  God created woman in the garden.  God created marriage in the garden. God first created His relationship with man in the garden.  Life was brought forth from the garden.....

... and so was sin.  So was humiliation, shame, and regret.

So was forgiveness.

I wonder if that isn't why I'm drawn to a garden.  To sit and listen to the wind blow through the treetops, birds chirp, squirrels chasing each other... it's peaceful.  it's urethral...  it's calming....

And... I feel so utterly close to the Creator God while in my garden.... Looking forward to spring.

Unexpected Happies :D

I love unexpected happies that just sort of reach out with both hands and tug at you for your full attention.  Tonight, I had such a one.  A blast from my high school past; I won't name names but she knows who she is. 

In that one quick moment, time snaps back like a measuring tape and you can hear their voice as you read the message.  You can see their laughing eyes and hear the joking tone in their voice. 

I've had several like that this past year.  People who out of the blue I've developed a relationship that is different than what we had over twenty years ago.  Of course there is the maturity but there is also shared hard times, shared parenting mishaps and humorous dating stories.  There are shared losses and similiar stories from a broken marriage.  Sharing the wrongs we've committed and the rights along the way.  Renewed hope, forgiveness.

I've often thought how Satan uses the internet to rob us of our time; one look at facebook and I can see how that is oftentimes true.  I have also discovered how to set boundaries and to even use it to share the Gospel, share testimonies and try to witness to hurting and lost friends. 

I hope that there are days where I am the vehichle used to deliever an unexpected happy to someone who needs it. :)

Be blessed.

Mysteriously, I AM the Woman in the Shoe

Have you ever had one of those days where you just sit back and think, "I'm blessed beyond reason?"

Today was that day for me... in some ways.  It started out with a little girl named Gracie who has decided to call Keenan, "daddy" and me "mommy".  She has a wonderful mom and her mother and I joke back and forth about it.  Anyway, during church service she found us and sat between Keenan and I.  On my other side sat Sarah followed by Beka snuggling up with Mikey. Lexi was with her Youth Group.

As I sat there, I thought.... 'Lord, you do work in mysterious ways.'  I had always wanted this big, huge family as a young girl... it continued through my years of struggling to have my family.  When I started seeing Keenan, he came automatically with four additional kids to my own two.  What's even more amazing are the children that he and I have formed attachments with at church.... we've worked in kids ministries there and the time and investment has paid off.  I won't call each of the kids out by name, but there are some that I love so very much.... they each have wonderful parents/grandparents/aunties/uncles in their lives but somehow God has blessed us with the chance to have a sweet relationship with them as well.... I've been texting (at the request of them) several of them and my heart just warms when I get that smile, text or hug.

Yes, God has not give me through my blood a huge line of kiddos, but He has blessed me with the opportunity to teach, nurture, and love others like my own... so many.... God in His loving mercy has given me such a precious gift in it.  I am so thankful for it.  Thankful that He showed us where to serve so that we could partake of it.

Father, I ask for special blessings on our biological children and on our "extra" children.... And I thank you for this love You have bestowed on us.